Abbreviations for fiction
AFTR = A Fair to Remember (1938) (see TaleSpin Fiction Page)
Big Al (Alphonse) McGuire
Appears in: AFTR
Nicknames: Alphonse, Samson (derisively, by Joanna)
Appearance: Big, brown, rough-looking, overweight (not obese); broken nose, knife scar on chest
Birthday: December 3 (Sagittarius)
Favorite Color: Blue, green
Likes: Girl-watching (especially cat-fights), taking credit for good deeds, baiting Joanna and beer
Dislikes: Talkative people, women who get out of control (to him, that's a stimulating cat-fight that escalates into a brawl...not feminine). Oh, and don't call him Alphonse --- he hates that.
Personality: Obnoxious, chauvinistic, gruff, cynical, doesn't bother to remember people's names, barely tolerates kids, sarcastic sense of humor (thinks Strummer's crush on Joanna is hilarious). Makes a lousy first impression.
Fears: Marriage, and subconsciously, repeating history as a bad husband and father like his own father
Strengths: Physically strong, honest, and a hard worker. Unexpectedly chivalrous sometimes; he loved his mother and couldn't bear to watch her cower before his father's fists. He's a chauvinist, but won't hesitate to toss a jerk through a window, even if it's closed. Might be a good guy somewhere beneath the bluster.
Weaknesses: Female tears ("A girl cries, you gotta do something about it.") And shapely legs.
Occupation: Carnival barker (former auctioneer and bingo caller, to name a few)
Credentials: Grade 9 education (had to quit school at 15 to take care of his mother after father cleaned out their bank account and disappeared). No intellectual, but definitely not an idiot either.
Goals: To get a hot date for Saturday night and sneak out of the vicinity before the sun comes up. ;)
Hobbies: Playing poker, gambling, building, esp. woodwork
Marital Status: Confirmed bachelor (taste in women runs to the flashy type)
Dream Voice: John Goodman
Quotes: "A girl cries, you gotta do something about it."
Appears in: AFTR
Appearance: Rather plain, tall and rangy (athletic)
Birthday: May 6 (Taurus)
Favorite Color: Rich browns, gold, orange (earth tones)
Likes: Horses, the smell of hay, a clean barn
Personality: A bit of a monomaniac (obsessed with horses); sternly maternal toward them and anyone who wants a ride; has tendency to inject 'horse' phrases in her sentences ('horse of different color', horse-sense, that sort of thing); can keep a secret
Fears: Harm to her beloved charges
Occupation: Devoted horse-trainer
Hobbies: See above
Marital Status: Estranged from allergic husband (chose horses over him)
Dream Voice: Nancy Culp (from The Beverly Hillbillies, if she were alive)
Appears in: AFTR
Appearance: Stout, grizzled old guy; fur is dark brown
Birthday: December 18 (Saggitarius)
Favorite Color: Earth tones like brown, olive green
Personality: Well-meaning meddler in affairs of the heart; campaigning to help Strummer find a wife. Very protective of Helen and her son; grudgingly tolerates Joanna's presence for Helen's sake, even though he dislikes her intensely.
Fears: Gunfire and the possibility that someday Joanna will go too far.
Occupation: Formerly owner of a carpentry business; now a carpenter/mechanic for Haley's Carnival; also fought in WWI and suffers from shell shock under stress. Not good in a crisis.
Hobbies: Playing poker with his cronies
Marital Status: Widower
Dream Voice: Whoever did Barney the Annoying Pig in Jumping the Guns
Appears in: AFTR
Species: Oztralian Koala Bear
Appearance: Gray, matronly and stout with a sweet face (she's a koala, after all!)
Birthday: September 14 (Virgo)
Favorite Color: Purple, lavender
Personality: Mothers everyone (much to her son's displeasure); calls most people 'luv'; sweet, caring and easy-going... until you make her mad. A little absent-minded but harmless
Fears: Anything that causes motion-sickness (eg: hates boats)
Occupation: Proprietor of Haley's Carnival
Credentials: Grade 8 equivalent --- had to quit school to work on her father's ranch. Picked up business skills from keeping the ranch's accounts, then the carnival's when late husband was alive.
Goals: To keep her employees happy, help Joanna 'straighten out'.
Hobbies: Gin Rummy, having tea parties
Marital Status: Widow
Dream Voice: Angela Lansbury
Appears in: AFTR
(See Blonde Alley for pictures)
Nicknames: Jo (by Violet, Bonnie); Joey (by Baloo); Jenny, any 'J' name (by Big Al, who never bothers to remember people's names); Real name: Marie Gellar
Age: 27 (in 1938, when the story takes place)
Hair: Waist-length, reddish-gold hair with slight wave; usually tied in a high ponytail with a plain black ribbon (which often comes loose)
Eyes: Dark brown, almost black
Appearance: Although not conventionally pretty (not 'cute'), she is arrestingly attractive in a gypsy-like way (shapely and graceful); exudes sensuality until she speaks (snide, acerbic sense of humor tends to have an ice-water effect on the male ego); Fur is dark gold, almost amber. Tries to dress with understated elegance (when not in costume) to make up for her lack of cuteness. Very self-conscious about her looks.
Birthday: October 31, 1910 (Scorpio) Her real b-day was ignored to the point where nobody remembers it anymore, so she pretends that Halloween, with its costumes, candy and fireworks, is meant for her.
Favorite Color: Any shade of blue, black (mostly dark colors, so she won't attract attention)
Astrological Sign: Scorpio (Oct. 31) but her real sign is probably similar to this
Likes: Coffee, ice cream, citrus-scented perfume, the feel of fluffy carpeting under her bare feet, the sound of silence (so she can hear herself think), watching the fights ("Iron Paws vs. Big Al") and baiting people
Dislikes: The color pink, bananas, pointless conversations, shopping, most women (the gossipy, giggly kind), idiots and stupid puns like 'Joanna on the Pianna'
Personality: A troubled loner with a mysterious past; sarcastic, unsentimental, fun-loving, generous (if she likes you), sometimes immature (likes to play practical jokes), conniving and has a small sadistic streak. Considers herself the only competent person in the room. Not exactly uncaring, but can't really be bothered in 'playing the game' (listening to petty problems, girl talk, using feminine wiles) if she doesn't have to. She can be insensitive. Not outwardly affectionate (dislikes being held unless it's a guy she's attracted to)
Strengths: A glib liar, adept at self-defense, can read upside-down; fun-loving
Weaknesses: Terrified of heights; easily hurt but too proud to show it; has a jealous streak; somewhat arrogant in believing that her judgment is the best and contemptuous of others' ability to cope with dangerous situations; a bit of a snob ("I don't do catfights." (won't fight another woman --- assumes it'll be a hair-pulling waste of time unless it's a skilled fighter from her dark past); from willful ignorance of current events or people (never heard of Don Karnage, for example)
Occupation: Pianist for Haley's Band, among other things
Credentials: None formally recognized. Never graduated from a conventional school, but certainly educated to Grade 12, with basic typing skills and waiting tables (if she had to). She's clever in her way, but no intellectual . An average student until she was forced to apply herself after she was 13. Learned piano from her father at three and on. Had regular schooling until age 12, then sent away after indirectly causing a tragic accident.
Goals: To live her life quietly and keep her past a secret; to never again be someone's pawn
Counterparts: Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton's role in the Terminator movies); Bridget Gregory (Linda Fierrentino's role in The Last Seduction). A 'force of nature'.
Hobbies: Reading mysteries, crossword puzzles, collecting spoons, annoying anyone for fun
Marital Status: Happily single, more interested in having fun than settling down with a husband; Taste in men is exactly the opposite of Rebecca's (likes big masculine guys with a sense of humor, like Baloo); blithely overlooks Strummer --- unless he's standing right in front of her, she never thinks about him.
Dream Voice: Linda Hamilton
"But it's cute when I do it!"
"I don't do catfights."
"I hate working with amateurs."
Appears in: AFTR
Nicknames: Officer (derisively, by Joanna and Violet)
Species: Bulldog (gray)
Appearance: Hard-looking, with a habitually sour expression
Birthday: July 12 (Cancer)
Favorite Color: Neutrals and dark colors (brown, gray)
Likes: Docile, ornamental females, being in charge
Dislikes: Any challenge to his authority... his badge and gun are very important to him, since they represent mandatory respect. Demands instant results and doesn't care much about how he gets them (partner Thursday's law-abiding,'by-the-book' police methods drive him up the wall) Absolutely hates Joanna, who delights in irritating him.
Personality: Rude, impatient and a pain in the rear; lecherous and extremely misogynistic (hates strong-willed females)
Occupation: Detective for Cape Suzette Police Dept. (partner: Sam Thursday... seen in episode, Vowel Play)
Hobbies: None (puts minimum effort in his work and home life)
Marital Status: Unhappily married (his wife, that is); possibly abusive
Dream Voice: Robert Constanza (Bullock on Batman)
Nick "Strummer" Haley
Appears in: AFTR
Species: Bear (Albino)
Appearance: Homely, sick-looking albino (white), built like a disjointed scarecrow; wears glasses that magnify bulging pinkish eyes; would be frightening to wake up with. Keep that sleep mask on at all times.
Birthday: March 15 (Pisces)
Favorite Color: Red
Personality: Awkward, shy and socially backward; makes lame jokes ("Joanna on the pianna"); nice in a wishy-washy way. He's also a hopeless romantic (goes overboard on the candy-and-flowers thing; reads far too much into the meanings in love songs/poetry --- believes in Love's First Kiss
Strengths: His faithful devotion to the object of his affection is total and absolute. But then again, where would this geek find the opportunity to be unfaithful? O_o
Weaknesses: Tries too hard to impress other people (eg: makes bad puns to show how 'funny' he is; tends to time his good deeds so that Joanna will see them --- like he'd probably only tip a waiter or give to the poor only in her presence, unaware that she couldn't care less. Like George Constanza of Seinfeld, would try to take the tip back if Joanna missed seeing his 'generosity'.) Somewhat sheltered and lacks ambition to achieve, since Helen has always taken care of him.
Occupation: Mediocre guitarist/bandleader of Haley's Band---'cause he's the boss's son (Helen)
Credentials: Was home-schooled by Helen and Handy (to about Grade 8 equivalence, since neither finished school themselves), so he wouldn't be persecuted by more conventional looking kids. Also, travelling all over the world with a carnival prevents regular schooling, or making lasting friendships. Not qualified for anything except menial labor and the occasional musical gig.
Goals: To marry Joanna and have a big family (the old picket fence fantasy), whether she knows it or not. Subconsciously, she's only a status symbol --- proof that he can 'get' an attractive woman (he won't consider 'settling' for a loving, plain girl that nobody else wants --- his pride forbids it)
Hobbies: Joanna-watching, twanging his guitar, writing love songs and poetry
Marital Status: Unhappily single. Unsuspecting object of affection: Joanna
Dream Voice: Michael J. Fox (in his milquetoast role of Milo from Atlantis)
Appears in: AFTR
Species: Cat (White Angora Cat)
Appearance: Chubby, vacuously pretty, with a taste for tight-fitting clothes and heavy make-up; voluptuous; large blue eyes
Birthday: March 8 (Pisces)
Favorite Color: Pastels like pink, yellow and baby blue
Likes: Romance and the whole damn thing: flowers, perfume, jewelry, flattery
Dislikes: Being alone, prettier women, herself (tries too hard to disguise her flaws under heavy cosmetics and perfume ...the outcome is a pathetic clown --- almost the female version of Strummer)
Personality: Whiny, self-pitying, eager for attention, giggly and easily led. She sees herself as dainty and flower-like and wishes to be treated as such. Despite this, she has extremely low self-esteem, therefore... capable of dangerous rage.
Fears: Dying an old maid; can't bear to be alone for long
Strengths: Her shrill voice can carry over a mile away. Can disarm opponent with one well-placed, piercing shriek. Very strong physically --- her enthusiasm (or rage) and solid build can be a formidable combination. Would make a good goon.
Weaknesses: Emotionally very needy and tends to cling. A bit childish and inclined to temper tantrums. Her healthy libido can turn into an unhealthy attachment to any man unlucky enough to cross her path.
Occupation: Inept carnival nurse
Credentials: Grade 12, with mediocre grades. Her 'nursing' degree consists of a few first aid sessions with Helen. Probably shouldn't wear a nurse's uniform, but does anyway.
Goals: To marry Prince Charming and have lots of kids
Hobbies: Man-watching, imagining the 'perfect' wedding
Marital Status: Miserably single (like Ally McBeal without the law degree or the cute outfits or the willing boyfriends)
Dream Voice: Arleen Sorkin (Harley Quinn on Batman)
Appears in: AFTR
Appearance: Orange/black stripes; slanted green eyes and black hair worn in a shoulder-length pageboy; tall and athletic (rather big-boned but not heavy); attractive and sports a nasty set of 2-inch claws if necessary
Birthday: March 23 (Aries)
Favorite Color: Green, yellow and red
Likes: Making fun of Strummer
Dislikes: Selling hot dogs, kids, people in general, hysterics, idiots (eg: Archer)
Personality: Acerbic, rather snide; Practical and blunt, sometimes mean. No patience with those she considers inferior.
Strengths: Doesn’t gossip. Decisive, independent and smart in a crisis. A good ally.
Weaknesses: A little too dependent on Joanna for friendship, which can get a bit stultifying. Doesn't bother to seek other people's company. Modest to the point of insisting on changing in a locked bathroom, even if it's only her best friend in the room.
Occupation: Hot dog stand vendor
Hobbies: Writes letters to estranged family while she travels with carnival; people-watching and doing her nails.
Marital Status: Single
Dream Voice: Bridget Fonda
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