OUTTAKES by Crocodile Joe

 

Others have done them. Now itís my turn...


THE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE LOUDER THEY OINK

Becky is running through a jungle path, when all of a sudden the camera catches her inadvertently falling in a hidden pit.

Director: Remind me to fire the set design people lat-
Kit: [yelling from afar] The set people screwed up!
Director: I KNOW!

From same episode: Becky is thrown in the giant pot...the entire thing accidentally trips over and rolls down the hill, with pygmies and camera crew people running out of the way while Becky screams endlessly...

Becky: You better use that!
Director: Uh, we can't. That was used in King Solomon's Mines with Sharon Stone.
Becky: [reaction censored for the sake of the public due to its excessive violence]



MY FAIR BALOO

The shot is near the end, after Becky agrees to do whatever Baloo tells her to do. Baloo is having trouble with the line "Take off your clothes."

Baloo: {grinning and stifling a cough]
Becky: {turns to camera and chuckles slightly, biting her lip]

Director: TAKE 2!

Baloo: Take off you cl-lo-othes...[bursts out laughing]
Becky: [while he's laughing] Shy, are we??!

Director: TAKE 4!

Baloo: [excitedly] TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES!!!!!
Becky: Oh, for the love of...[puts hand to face while others laugh from off screen]

Director: TAKE 12!

Baloo: So, what's your sign?
Becky: [loses it by this time and jumps up, strangling his throat] You stupid bear! Just! Say! The! Line already!!!!

(camera crew pulls her off, and Baloo manages to look squeamishly embarrassed on camera.)

Director: TAKE 13!

Baloo: Take off your clothes!
Becky: [pauses, blushes] Oh no, I forgot my line...

Director: {screams briefly, the sound of someone kicking things is heard off camera]

Director: TAKE 14!

Baloo: Take off your clothes...hot stuff...Grrrrowl!
Becky: Oh, very mature. So amusing...

Director: TAKE 15!

Baloo: Take off your clothes!
Becky: WHAT?!

Director: Oh, thank goodness! That's it! I quit now!!!!
Adios, guys! [takes off for Rio]

Becky: That was your fault, you know...
Baloo: *Me*...?



A TOUCH OF GLASS


When Louie's band is supposed to play jazz music, so Louie can impress Rebecca, Muffy, and Buffy; instead, Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual to Be Loved By Anyone" is played.
All crack smiles, and get up to dance to the joke; Buffy with Becky, Muffy with Baloo.

On the next take, they play "Jumpiní Jack Flash", and all crack up again. On the third they play the song they're supposed to and the table cracks up for a third time...

Rebecca: I thought they were going to play another joke song...
Muffy: Me too...
Baloo: [has head on table laughing]

For the scene where Louie is telling Rebecca that Muffy and Buffy are actually jewel thieves, and that the jewels are actually glass, the camera pans over to their far left and catches Muffy and Buffy making out.

Muffy: Hey, watch it ya stupid oaf!
Buffy: Hooligan!

Later, the crew is resting, and the camera catches them talking at the catering table.

Buffy: [coming up to Rebecca and speaking in New York accent] So uh, sweet cheeks - howz about when dis is done we blow this popsicle stand and head out for some *real* action sequences, just you and me, huh?
Rebecca: WHAT? [dumps a bowl of coleslaw on his head and beats it with her fists]


PLUNDER & LIGHTNING

The scene where Kit is jumping from rock to rock above the lava within the island, he trips and falls on the rope, which turns out to be a wide platform hidden by the camera angle...

Kit: [angrily] Oh, funny...Ha ha!

On the next take he falls into the lava, which is actually Tang being dumped in bags by crew people off to the side...

Kit: Jackie Chan doesn't have this many set problems!



A BAD REFLECTION ON YOU

The camera pans to Karnage berating Mad Dog and Dumptruck. Karnage is wearing modern-day clothing, sunglasses hanging on a string around his neck, a blue Hawaiian shirt, and accompanying visor. He has a clipboard he's slapping them with.

Karnage: Idiots! (slap) Louses! (slap) Idiot louses! I am the director, and you will do this again and do it right if I have to break every bone in your body! (slap, slap)

Mad Dog: Sorry...

Dumptruck: Duh, ever since the old director quit, Iíve been using my health insurance a lot more...

Mad Dog: But at least now he's only going to be in a third of the episodes...

Dumptruck: Yah. Less slapping time...


Okay, thatís it for now. This was perfectly idiotic, and a good temp diversion from my finals:)

Joe

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May 2000

 

 

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