Concluding the painful ordeal in the Satellite of Love, whose heroes have been replaced by the crew of TS and Joe, we will now witness Part 3 in all of its glory.

 

Kit:  Oh joy.

 

A STAR IS TORN

(a parody)

Part 3 of 3

 

 Kit:  Is something we went through a long time ago…                                                             

 

TaleSpin and its characters are the property of Buena Vista Television/Walt Disney Co. 

 

All:  (moan)

Becky:  (sings Freedom by Aretha Franklin)

 

This short story was adapted from the televised episode written by Dev Ross.  No profit was made, so please don’t sue me. 

 

Becky:  at least not for the fic…

 

Some extra parts were written and minor changes were made in order to improve the narrative flow for the written page. I would also like to thank my good pal Ted for his invaluable feedback and advice

 

TV’s Joe:  (coughs) and JOE….

 

                                                 by Michelle “Gidget” Beaubien

                                                               

Shakily getting to her feet, Rebecca could only stare at Kitten Kaboodle.

 

Baloo:  Oh, it’s going to be one of those fics…

 

“It’s you!  You’ve been the one causing all the accidents!”

 

Becky:  (Kitten) Well, it was either that or get a real job…

 

A haunted expression crossed the other woman’s delicate features; she

 

Kit:  had had some spicy curry earlier…

 

looked as vulnerable as Molly did when she was scolded.

 

Becky:  Don’t compare that twisted floozy to my sweet baby!  Hmph!

 

 Her pale blue eyes pleaded for understanding and her lower lip trembled.

 

Kit:  Wow, it IS one of those fics!

 

 “Yes…yes…”

 

TV’s Joe: Good night, everybody!

 

she whispered, “It was I.”  Shakily, she sat up, looking terribly

 

Becky:  I agree.

 

frail.

 

“But…why?”

 

TV’s Joe: (Kitten) The voices in my head…

 

“You…you wouldn’t understand,” Rising to her feet, Kitten brought her wrist up to her brow dramatically and turned away sobbing, hiding her face

 

Becky:  Good, the less of her I see the better…

 

in shame. “It’s all so…terrible!”

 

Becky:  The idea of making us sit through this?? I agree…

 

 Unable to resist

 

TV’s Joe:  the Borg…

 

checking Rebecca’s reaction to her plight, she peeked through interwoven fingers,

 

Kit: (Kitten) Is Becky gone yet??

Baloo: (Becky) No, I’m still here…

 

exposing one lovely blue eye.

 

Kit:  The other had popped out earlier…

Becky:  Ewwww!

 

 Unimpressed, Rebecca crossed her arms in a bored fashion and continued to stare.  This always worked with Baloo when he tried to con her with his stupid excuses

 

Becky: Although I forgot how well written this was…

 

for being late.  It didn’t fail her here either. “So’s your acting.” 

 

Becky:  You tell her!

 

For two seconds, the actress’s pretty face froze with

 

Becky: frostbite…what a shame…

 

wounded surprise, then darkened with fury as she whipped around

 

Baloo:  She has a whip now??

 

to glower at the businesswoman.

 

“All right!” she snarled, in a voice so coarsened by

 

Kit:  curry??

 

hatred that it was hard to believe that this was the same honey-voiced woman who had Baloo under her spell.

 

TV’s Joe: (Kitten, singing) I put a spell on you!

 

Kitten removed her gloves and black robe, tossing them carelessly aside, revealing her white gown underneath. 

 

Kit:  Is she a nun??

Becky:  HA!  Thank you, I needed a good laugh…

 

“So my last two pictures flopped big and my career’s on the skids.

 

TV’s Joe:  Demi Moore?

 

 I needed the publicity to put me back on top. 

 

Becky:  Again, I could say something, but I’ll pass…

 

It’s as simple as that.” Reaching in her dress pocket, she produced a round compact

 

Kit:  yo-yo and realized she had the wrong bag…

 

and flipped the lid open.  She twisted a tube of lipstick and applied a fresh rosy pink coat.  Like a pendulum, her voice swung back to her customary purr.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me...”

 

Baloo:  Because she had just had the curry, and well

 

She turned opened the exit door and walked away with graceful, leggy strides.  The other woman followed her.

 

Rebecca was incredulous.

 

Becky:  that she had any talent…

 

 “You risked all those people’s lives for a movie?”

 

Kit:  No, she risked them to try out her new “Explosives are fun and easy” booklet…

 

“Hey. That’s show biz.” 

 

TV’s Joe:  was the title given to the released on video eps Stormy Weather and Mommy for a Day, which doesn’t make a damn bit of sense for the latter.  Good, Disney….

 

Giving her reflection a final glance of approval, the actress kissed it, and

 

Baloo:  fell through into Wonderland…

 

clicked the compact shut.  She snapped her fingers,

 

Baloo:  Were they playing bebop music??

 

and a limousine smartly appeared at the curb. She gave Rebecca a smug, crooked smile.  That did it.

 

Rebecca stalked

 

TV’s Joe: Well, she shouldn’t.  It’s rude.

 

in front of her, blocking her path. 

 

Kit:  to enlightenment.

 

Her anger boiled and the words spilled out, furious.

 

TV’s Joe: (Becky going on Jerry Springer) Yeah, you wanna a piece of me?!  Ho!

 

“Well, I’m not going let you risk Baloo’s life.  I’m going to tell him everything!”  Kitten shoved her roughly aside.

 

TV’s Joe:  Catfight!  Catfight!

Gidget: (slaps Joe)

TV’s Joe:  Sowwy…

 

The driver opened the passenger door for Kitten to slide in, then closed it.  Kitten leaned lazily out the window,

 

Becky:  and her head bashed into a truck parked on the side of the street.

Kit and Baloo: (inch away from Becky)

 

chin cupped in one hand.  Her expression was as hard and cold as that of a porcelain doll. Her soft blue eyes were as wintry as ice

 

TV’s Joe: (Frasier)  Lilith??

 

and her voice was again filled with

 

Kit:  heartburn from the curry…

 

loathing and contempt. “Go ahead, darling,” she sneered, “I’ve got that big, dumb galoot wrapped around my little finger.  Who do you think he’ll believe,

me… or you?”

 

Becky:  Since we know how this goes, let’s just say Baloo’s and idiot even though I wanted to believe in him...

Baloo:  Whatever…

 

She depressed

 

TV’s Joe:  the crew of her movie every day.  She was hard to work for.

 

a button and the tinted window closed, concealing her from view, as final and smug as the last word.  The motor revved to life

 

Baloo:  jumped out of the car, and scared everyone…

 

and again Rebecca was left standing on the curb alone.

 

All:  (sing) One…is the loneliest number…

Wilson:  (sings Creedence Clearwater) Down in the corner…out in the street….

 

She shouted after her, “Baloo and I are friends!  He’ll believe me!”

 

                                                             …..

 

 

Kit:  Hey, look up there…are those birds or planes??                                                              

 

7:00pm, Airfield set

 

Kit:  Oh, okay...planes.

 

“Places, everybody!”  C.B. called out.  Crew members and actors alike shuffled around

 

Baloo:  decks of cards…gambling was a problem there…

 

 the airfield, finding their marks and adjusting the lighting and cameras. 

 

TV’s Joe:  Waiting for a close encounter of the 3rd kind…

 

Baloo’s stunt plane rested in the middle of the outdoor set, waiting for take-off. Another plane sat several feet away, as a spare.

 

“I don’t believe you!” was Baloo’s shocked and angry response.  He was wearing

 

Becky:  my patience, I know.

 

a bomber’s jacket, goggles and a long scarf that dangled dashingly over his left shoulder.

 

Becky:  His very large, left shoulder….

 

In a designated area behind the cameras and equipment, Kit and Wildcat stood expectantly,

 

Kit:  being completely ignored, of course…

Gidget:  And I should care becaaaaause???

 

waiting for his stunt to begin.

 

Kitten nudged Rebecca aside with her hip and

 

TV’s Joe:  Well, where is this going??

 

hissed,

 

Baloo:  She was a snake person??

 

“See? Told ya so!” She stepped in front of the burly pilot and began to adjust his collar.

She asked huskily, “Ready for the big stunt, Baloozie-woozie?”

 

Becky:  Pass the barfbag, please…

Kit:  Right after I’m done with it…

 

The scowl on the bear’s face was instantly replaced by

 

TV’s Joe:  the makeup guy…this wasn’t the time for Halloween paint…

 

a delighted, adoring grin. “Oh, anything, Kiki!”  

 

TV’s Joe: (Baloo) How’s your delivery service going, by the way??

 

Smiling, she took the end of his flight scarf and

 

Kit:  choked him to death??  Oh wait, we already know the ending…

 

started to lead him to the stunt plane until Rebecca blocked their way.

 

“But I saw her sabotage the plane myself, Baloo!” she protested.

 

“Sabotage, schmabotage,” he snapped.  “Jealousy, more like it.  Now simmer down,

 

TV’s Joe:  Well she was boiling earlier, so I’d say that’s pretty good progress…

(cymbals and a drumbeat are heard in the back)

 

Becky, and---!”

 

A stabbing pain lanced her, and she felt sick. 

 

Becky:  Who wouldn’t??

 

This couldn’t be happening.  Suddenly, a ghostly phrase, spoken in the sanctum of Shere Khan’s plush office, invaded her brain,

 

Baloo:  (Shere Khan flashback) You must never expose me to the light of day...mwahahaha!  Get it?? Ghostly??

Becky:  Don’t quit your day job, Baloo…

Baloo:  You like having me around, I can tell…

 

from what seemed to be a lifetime ago: You let somebody get close to ya and they stab ya in the back! 

 

Becky:  DOESN’T ANYONE USE QUOTATION MARKS ANYMORE!!!!

Kit:  Now she’s boiling…

 

She folded her arms and said coldly, “It’s Rebecca.”

 

He took Kitten’s arm protectively.  “Fine.  Then I’m doing this stunt for Kiki. 

 

TV’s Joe: (Baloo) and that nice baker woman, and the artist chick…

 

Got it?”  Rebecca’s lips thinned.  He was just as rude as the day they’d met, when he’d slammed the door of Baloo’s Air Service in her face, trying to pretend that she didn’t exist. 

 

Baloo:  It wasn’t hard... I hadn’t heard how loud she could be yet…

Becky:  Get used to it, flyboy…

 

I should leave him to the wolves,

 

Karnage:  Oh, like we rrrrreally want him…

 

she thought.  But a tiny part of her protested,

 

TV’s Joe:  but only in her spare time…she didn’t have enough time for business and politics…

Becky:  You are just so witty...(rolls eyes)

TV’s Joe:  Aren’t I though??

 

But still…

 

“Stunt pro at the ready!” The director said, using the megaphone around Montgomery’s long neck.  The assistant held the script tucked under one wing.

 

Kit:  of the plane…not very safe leaving it on the ground, though…

 

“That’s my cue!”

 

John DeLancie:  Did someone call??

Becky:  Well, that was a desperate attempt for a laugh…

 

said Baloo cheerfully.  With that, turning on his heel and lumbered toward the stunt plane. The heck with her. I’ve got me some

 

Becky: (Baloo) serious mental deficiencies…

 

flyin’ ta do!

 

“Break a neck…uh, leg, Baby Bear.” Kitten said.  It was a showbiz expression version of  ‘good luck’ on stage. 

 

TV’s Joe:  Thank you Gidget, we didn’t know that...

(a bucket of oatmeal drops from the ceiling and lands on Joe’s head)

Becky:  You have only yourself to blame for that…

 

Baloo turned slightly and blew several kisses in her direction,

 

Kit: What is this, the Dating Game??

 

then continued his path to the stunt plane.  Suddenly, something grabbed his leg!

 

TV’s Joe:  a skeleton from the Army of Darkness!  Hey, it was Hollywood…

 

Rebecca had thrown herself to the ground, arms wrapped around his right leg in a viselike grip. 

 

Kit:  Just like Molly does…does it run in their family??

 

“But Baloo!” The words were strangled, desperate.

 

“Hey!  Leggo of my

 

Baloo:  Eggo!

 

leg, lady!” He tried to walk, dragging her with him.

 

TV’s Joe:  *sigh* How romantic…

 

“Please, Baloo, as a friend…” she implored him, looking up with anguished eyes. "Don’t fly this stunt!”

 

Becky:  You giant dumbass!

 

He jerked

 

Becky:  a lot of people around in this fic, but mainly me.

 

his leg from her grasp and was about to climb into the cockpit. “Well, we aren’t friends anymore, are we, Rebecca?”

 

Kit:  (Becky) No, we’re TaleSpin.  Friends is on NBC…

 

he said coldly. Then he nearly shed his fur

 

Becky:  Please!  I’m sick enough, already!

 

when C.B. suddenly popped up on the other side of the plane, bellowing into his megaphone.  “What is holding up this stunt?”

 

Rebecca wearily got to her feet and stepped in front of Baloo, blocking the cockpit.  Her expression was one of wounded dignity.

 

“All right,” she said

 

TV’s Joe:  Michael

 

flatly.  “I won’t stand in your way.”

 

Baloo:  Not that she ever could…

Becky:  (tired and not caring) There’s the door.  Go ahead.  You’ll be back before you can say “I’m broke because I have the business sense of a fruit fly”

 

“Great,” was what Baloo started to say, until something cylindrical was suddenly jammed over his head,

 

TV’s Joe:  Was it like that probe in “Fire in the Sky”??

 

 and all he saw were blinding stars and darkness. 

 

TV’s Joe:  It is! It is!

 

“Hey!  Who turned out the lights?”

 

Wilson:  Little green men…

TV’s Joe:  Hi, Wilson!

Wilson:  I see I’ve been missed…

TV’s Joe:  Nah, ya haven’t missed anything...heh heh…(cymbals and a drum beat sound off) I’m always glad to see you!

 

“My megaphone!” yelled C.B., outraged by this sacrilege. “Give it back!”

 

TV’s Joe: (dork director)  Sniffle waaah!  I’m gonna tell!

 

 He yanked it off Baloo’s head.  Rebecca climbed into the cockpit, gave

him a hard shove backwards,

 

Becky: (to Baloo)  Nyah!

 

then flipped the ignition switches on the control panel.  The engine revved to life.

 

Kit:  Could it talk??

 

“Sorry, Baloo,”

 

Becky:  That you’re so deluded…

 

 Rebecca called over her shoulder.  “But I am your friend!”  The plane rose from the ground, lifting her forward, then up.

 

Baloo couldn’t believe his eyes. “That crazy dame is stealin’ my stunt!” he said indignantly.  Of all the lowdown, dirty tricks…

 

C.B.’s sharp eyes lit up. 

 

Kit:  Luckily some props people had fire extinguishers…

 

Here was some great footage about to happen…

 

Announcer:  THE WORLD’S MOST DRAMATIC VIDEOS!!! Only on NBC…

Baloo:  Bum bum bum…

 

”Action! Action!” he shouted at his crew. “Special effects!”

 

TV’s Joe:  (crew guys) Yes, your weenieness!  Right away Lord of all the Set!

 

 Fireworks and explosives blasted into the sky, nearly blinding Rebecca.  The plane tilted suddenly to the left.  Quickly she righted it.

 

Rebecca clenched the control stick with grim determination.  “I’m a

 

Becky:  GREAT flyer...Thank you.

 

friend and I’ll prove it.  Even if it kills me.” She told herself.  Again the plane

rolled dangerously, the wings almost vertical.  “Why do I always have to be so literal?” she groaned.  Explosives burst in front of the propeller, showering her with sparks.

 

All:  Start humming the theme music to “The Rocketeer”

 

Suddenly, a small, shiny object twinkled under the spotlights, catching Wildcat’s eye.

 

Kit: (Wildcat) Tink?  That you?

 

A star! He thought excitedly.  Drawing out his trusty star-catching butterfly net, very quietly, on tiptoe, he advanced.

 

Kit:  Would someone just please put him in some sort of correctional therapy?!

 

Kit glanced briefly at him, his attention on Rebecca shanghaiing Baloo’s stunt plane.  “Wildcat, what are you

 

TV’s Joe: (Kit) on?

 

doing?”  Wildcat shushed him.

 

“Shhh…” he whispered.  “Don’t want to scare it away…” Exasperated, Kit rolled his eyes and continued to follow the action above.

 

Becky:  Hokay…never knew about this before…now if it’s all the same to you I’ll just try and forget it…

 

An explosive just missed Rebecca’s head. “Oh, dear!” she squeaked, sinking lower into the pilot’s seat. 

 

“That’s my limelight she’s in!” The big pilot glared up at the sky, shaking his fist.

 

Kit and Wildcat came running up, panting.  Both were frantic and spoke simultaneously in their urgency.

 

Baloo:  (Kit and Wildcat)  HeylookHeylookwhatwhatwewefoundfoundrightoverrightthereoverthere!!!

 

“Baloo, look what Wildcat found!  It fell off the stunt plane!”

 

Wildcat held up his net, displaying the sabotaged airplane part. “Without this thingy, there’s no way you could do your stunt---you’d crash!” Wildcat hurriedly explained.  “Good thing you aren’t up there now.”

 

It took a moment for Baloo to realize the calamity that was about to happen.

 

Becky:  Ah, so the tiny light bulb finally blinked over his tiny mind…

 

They gaped at each other with mounting horror.  Over their heads, Rebecca fought with the controls, but it was a losing battle.  The stunt plane began to gasp and sputter, then tipped in a sickening bow.  Her stomach lurched

 

Kit:  You rang??

 

and her knuckles whitened on the control stick as the craft began to nose dive,

 

TV’s Joe:  was the only character from Mighty Ducks: the series I remember…and he was lame.

 

gaining speed.

 

My God!  I’m going to crash!  Molly!

 

Baloo cried, “Rebecca!” Oh man, she’ll get killed! “ Don’t worry, Becky---I’ll get ya you out of this in a jiffy!”

 

TV’s Joe:  lube…

 

He hoped.  Gotta save her.  Gotta tell her I didn’t mean it!  The angry, hurtful words he and Rebecca exchanged echoed in his fevered brain.

 

Baloo:  (Sam) I hate you!

Becky:  (Diane) I hate you more!

Baloo:  (Sam) Are you as-

Kit:  Okay, you two…

 

Running as fast as

 

TV’s Joe:  (sings) we can…holdin’ on to one another’s hand…Trying to get away into the night...until you wrap your arms around me and so tight and then you say: “I think we’re alone now”…

Baloo:  (chimes) Some-body’s running out of mater-ial!

 

his heavy legs would allow him, he raced to the spare stunt plane, and bounded into the cockpit.  Both Kit and Wildcat pulled the chocks from under the wheels and in seconds, he too was airborne.

 

Becky:  Ah, the miracles of technology…

 

Montgomery was shocked. “It doesn’t say that in the script!” he cried, flapping the pages in C.B.’s face.  His boss waved him away impatiently.

 

“Who cares?”

 

Baloo:  Ooh!  I don’t!

 

 he demanded, not turning his head from the sight above them. He ordered the elephant

 

Baloo:  tranquilizer…he wasn’t well…

 

cameraman, “Keep rolling, keep rolling!”

 

Well, we aren’t friends anymore, are we, Rebecca?

 

Becky:  We never were. We’re TaleSpin...I told you…

 

Would that be the last thing he ever said to her? 

 

Becky:  No, the last thing he’ll ever say to me will probably be “I’ll skip this meal”…

 

The last words she would remember?  Grimly, he dodged an explosive, keeping the nose

pointed straight up and shouted as he passed her:  “Hang on!”

 

“To what?” she shouted back.

 

He did a hairpin maneuver and swooped down, banking the plane until he was on her right, almost parallel to Rebecca’s struggling craft.

 

He shouted above the noise, but everyone below could hear him just fine, since

 

Becky:  he himself was such a loudmouth…

 

speakers were installed in both planes so dialogue could be

recorded for the movie. “Becky!  Grab my hand!”  He stretched out a large paw, trying to reach over the wing.  She looked surprised, happy to see him and reached out, almost touching his fingertips…

 

TV’s Joe: (Becky)  Eliot??

 

then snatched her hand back.

 

“No!  I refuse to budge until we talk!”  She folded her arms stubbornly. 

 

That crazy dame!  He couldn’t believe it.

 

“Talk!  Are you kiddin’?” he exploded, then switched tactics, pleading with her. “Look, couldn’t we talk later---I mean, say after we’re on the ground---in one piece?”

 

TV’s Joe and Gidget:  GO, BECKY!!!  Woohoo!

 

“No!  What’s the good me going to all this trouble if we don’t have a good heart-to-heart right here and now!”  All the hurt and resentment boiled

inside her, obliterating all reason. 

 

Baloo:  This is no time for therapy, Beckers.

 

He was right, but she didn’t care.  They were seven hundred feet in midair, and descending fast.  Six hundred feet… 

 

“All right!  All right!  We’ll talk!” Baloo stole a peek over the cockpit and moaned. Five hundred feet. He spoke very fast, the words running together as one. “What do you want to talk about?”

 

“You said we were friends, Baloo, but then you never treated me like one!” She glared at him fiercely, staring him down.

 

Gidget:  This is just so cool!!! Go, Becky, go!

 

Below, C.B. was in hopping up and down, urging the cameraman, “I love it!  Keep rolling, keep rolling!”  Several feet behind them, Kitten was relaxing in a lounge chair, reading a magazine. 

 

Becky:  Somehow I don’t picture her as the reading type…they were probably just pretty pictures for her simple mind to digest…

 

She let out a bored yawn.

 

Baloo:  and swallowed a bug.

 

In the air, Rebecca told him, “Friends talk. They trust each other and they stick together.  You said so yourself!”

 

Below, Kit said tersely, “Uh-oh---Baloo’d better think fast or he and Miz Cunningham are gonna get glued to the pavement!”  Wildcat covered his eyes, unable to bear the grisly image.

 

Ricia:  No no!  Make him watch!  Suffer, suffer, suffer!!!

 

Baloo was dumbfounded,

 

Becky: which isn’t that unusual…

 

then ashamed. “You’re right.  I haven’t been much of a friend.  Too many stars in my eyes, I guess.”  With pleading eyes, he again stretched out his paw.  “Is it too late to try again, Rebecca?”  Four hundred feet.

 

Rebecca hesitated, her expression softening. Then she smiled at him, extending her hand.  “It’s Becky.”

 

Just as their fingers touched, the pavement seemed to rush at them.

 

Gidget:  *sniff*

 

Below, Kit and Wildcat could not look away.  Carnage was

 

Scarlet:  Not in this fic, dangit.

Kit:  Um, wrong type of…

Scarlet:  Shut up, kid.

Kit:  Make me! (Kit squirts Scarlet with a water gun and she chases him angrily around the room; Baloo and Becky meanwhile sulk)

Scarlet:  Why you little...!

 

inevitable and would be forever imprinted on their brains. 

 

TV’s Joe:  You mean like gene imprints??

 

The two planes dove, then tipped over, the wings blocking their view. They couldn’t see Baloo and Rebecca anymore. 

 

Then, in a blinding orange flash, they heard the shriek of metal hit the ground, then a deafening explosion.  

 

TV’s Joe: (some guy)  Look!  It is the Rocketeer!!!

 

Roaring flames and black smoke mushroomed upward.

 

Horror-stricken, Kit felt his insides collapse. “Baloo!  Miz Cunningham!”  Wildcat kept his eyes covered, not responding.

 

Then, a faint hum of propellers came from the heart of the flames.  It grew louder until it became a roar. 

 

TV’s Joe:  But then Roar got cancelled…

Baloo:  Huh?

 

The second stunt plane emerged from the smoke, swooping up and out, then straightened to an even keel.  Smiling, Baloo guided the craft aloft, one hand on the steering wheel and his other arm around Rebecca, who gazed up at him with admiration…and something else she could not have named that day. 

 

Spinners everywhere:  YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

 

Kit nudged Wildcat.  “Look!”

 

“They made it!” Wildcat gleefully twirled his cap on one finger.

 

Kit:  (over Wildcat, sings loudly)  I’M GON-NA MAKE IT AF-TER ALL!!!

 

“And it’s a good thing too!” he added.

 

Becky:  Otherwise you’d be nowhere…

Kit:  I’d have Wildcat...

Becky:  (gives Kit a look like “You’ve gotta be kidding, right?” look)

Kit:  Shutting up now…

 

“All right, they made it!”  Behind them, the crowds cheered.  Kitten leaped from her seat, dropping her magazine, her lovely mouth agape. 

 

Becky:  Neener, neener, neener!

 

Baloo landed the plane, climbed out and then gallantly helped Rebecca step out.

 

Gidget:  (starts swooning) 

Becky:  Do you need a moist towelette??

 

C.B. had jumped up onto his assistant’s skinny shoulders, bouncing up and down excitedly.  “Cut!  Print! Oscar, here I come!”

 

Kit:  Oscar?? Vandersnoot?? Where?

 

 Suddenly, the casing of the camera popped open and the film, his precious Oscar-winning opus, escaped its prison and lay in a winding heap on the ground.

With dismay that was almost too painful to watch, the director wailed, “Oh nooo!”

 

Nelson Muntz:  Ha ha!

 

and, pounding on poor Montgomery’s head with the megaphone, he began to cry.

 

Baloo:  What a sissy!

 

Kitten Kaboodle, the golden girl of Starrywood, was undergoing an amazing transformation. 

 

Kyle from South Park:  Dude!  She’s turning into a giant mechanical lizard!!!

 

For the second time that day, she lost control and

 

TV’s Joe:  thanks to the eye of Odin she turned into a werewolf…

 

threw a tantrum. She stamped both feet and swung at the air with clenched fists, her face an ugly mask of rage.

 

Wilson:  Tori Spelling??

 

 Or rather, it was not a mask at all.

 

“No, no, no!  That idiot was supposed to crash!” she shrieked, her voice suddenly shrewish and coarse.  “He’s completely ruined my accident!”

Then she was surrounded scoop-hungry newshounds, who

 

Wilson:  wanted a bunch of raisins…

 

aimed and fired their cameras at her from every angle. “Oops.” She blinked, remembering her role.

 

She gave the reporters a charming, sheepish smile.  “Did I say accident?” she purred.  “Petite erreur?” 

 

Becky:  What a maroon!  What a ditz!

 

At that, someone called the police department and almost immediately, Starrywood’s finest were at the scene. 

 

Katarina:  Ya, baby!

 

Before she could fathom what was happening, Kitten Kaboodle

found herself frisked

 

Baloo:  (too excitedly) Yeah, baby!

Becky:  Oh, please…

 

(they found her lipstick and compact), handcuffed and read her rights.

 

Baloo and Rebecca were too preoccupied with the aftermath of their latest brush with death to notice.  He cupped her hands between his large ones and asked her,

 

Gidget:  “Will you marry me??”

Baloo and Becky:  (laugh hysterically)

 

“Friends for life?”

 

All: *clap three times* (sing)  No-body ev-er told you/ life would be this way…

 

She smiled. “Friends.  Even if you are easily fooled by a pretty face.”

 

“Great set of legs, too.”  Baloo gazed wistfully past her, and she turned to see the police firmly push a cursing, handcuffed Kitten into the back of the paddy wagon.  Then they slammed the doors shut, locking them, and were on their way to Starrywood Precinct.  The actress would soon

 

Becky:  meet her new roomie:  Big Helga.

 

learn a new definition of ‘booking’.

 

Becky:  *snickers*

 

Suddenly, Baloo noticed her glare and hastened to add, “Hey, just kiddin’, Boss Lady!  Just kiddin’---I’ll never be star-struck again!”  He was

rewarded with another lovely smile.  She’s sorta cute when she does that, he thought.

 

Baloo:  (blushes considerably and rubs his hat)

Becky: (simply smiles contentedly)

 

Kit and Wildcat came running up and everyone embraced everyone else. 

 

All:  Group hug…Awwww!!!

 

At the end, Kit and Wildcat gave each other a rough hug and

 

Becky: started wrestling…there’s just no end to what I put up with…

 

let go.

 

“Wow, you guys sure cut it close!  I thought it was gonna be spatula time!” marveled Kit. 

 

 Baloo and Rebecca were still in each other’s arms. 

 

Gidget:  (passes out)

 

She leaned her head against his chest and looked up at him. 

 

Gidget:  (wakes right back up again with a delirious smile)

 

He answered Kit, but he smiled down at her.

 

“Naw, kid.  Me and my friend here, we had everything under control.”  He gave her a squeeze and she returned it.

 

“Great! Well, I gotta be going, then.” Kit said

 

Kit:  Wouldn’t you?  Gotta give them some space, hint hint...

Baloo:  Oh yeah, right.

 

briskly and started to walk away.

 

“But Kit, we were just leaving for home and---!” began Rebecca.

 

“Home?” he wailed. 

 

Kit:  is where the heart is…

 

“But I’ve got an audition for the new Bumphrey Hogart film!” and continued on his way to the set.  He could not miss an opportunity like this!

 

Baloo:  to be passed up…

 

Rebecca, formerly the voice of reason, clasped her hands together and said fervently, “Bumphrey Hogart?  Why, he’s only the dreamiest star in the whole world!”

 

Becky:  Yeah…oh, never mind…

 

She ran after him. “Wait, Kit, wait!”

 

Wildcat pulled out his net. 

 

TV’s Joe:  and threw it over everyone, even though it was pointless and had no effect…

                 (Kit)  Now can we call someone?...

 

“A star?”  He hurried after them.  Baloo was left alone.

 

TV’s Joe:  (sings) all alone…

 

Hands on his hips and a little miffed, he watched the bizarre parade of three disappear into the distance.

 

“Aw, now --- what’s gotten into them?”

 

 Kit:  Look!  Here it comes!  Finally!

 

The End

 

All:  throw confetti into the air, and noisemakers are heard

(flashing lights and a siren goes on and off)

 

Voice:  Attention passengers of the Sattelite of Love.  Escape pods are now departing…

 

Becky:  ME FIRST!!!

 

Baloo:  Oh, no you don’t!

 

Becky:  The heck I don’t!

 

Kit:  Can I fly??  Can I??

 

Voice:  It’s automatic, kid.

 

Kit:  Rats…

 

(Baloo and Becky race for the pod and get stuck in the door as they both try to get in)

 

Kit:  Yeah, I’m not gonna need therapy when I’m older…

 

Voice:  Countdown initiating:  10, 9, 8,

 

(TS chars fit themselves snugly into the pod)

 

TV’s Joe:  Well, overall I think this went pretty well!..

 

(gets a few glares, all pretty much weary of him)

 

Voice:  7, 6, 5

 

TV’s Joe:  So, where do I fit in??

 

Becky:  The heck with you, Mist-boy!  (slams the door shut)

 

Voice:  2, 1, Have. A. Pleasant. Flight.

 

(escape pod is heard taking off)

 

TV’s Joe:  (standing all alone)  Well, that’s a fine how do you do…

 

Finis

 

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