Song Parodies


Baloo the Big Fat Pilot 

The Balooest of Bluebloods

The Baron von Bruinwald Blues (or Baloos)

Birthday Poem

I Just Can't Wait to Be Claimed

Kit the Wily Bear Cub
 
Some Rich Guy's Girl

A Whole New Life

Santa Baby

 

Baloo the Big Fat Pilot
By Gidget

(Nov. 18, 2000)

*sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer*

Baloo the big fat pilot
Had a very shiny plane
And if you ever flew it
The pilot's seat would have a big stain

All of the other pilots
Used to laugh and call Baloo names
Coolhands Luke made darn sure
The Duck never joined competitive games

Then one dusky sun-lit day
Baloo came to say
"Becky, with your hair so tight
won't you marry me tonight?"

Then how she loved him
As they shouted out with glee
Baloo the big fat pilot
Cried out, "Oh baby...come to me!"  

 

The Balooest of Bluebloods
by Gidget

May 1, 2001

Happy birthday, Ricia! Here's a birthday poem about a certain episode... :D


Baloo got rich
And left Becky all alone
But scary stuff happened
Guess who he called on the phone!

She and Wildcat came to stay
In his 600-room castle, 'cause he was daunted
All those murder attempts
That damned castle was haunted.

Rebecca promised to protect him
Although she doubted what he said was true
But she unpacked anyway
Wildcat was looking for the loo.

That night Baloo and Becky
Had a scary dinner
He ran away screaming
But least he was gettin' thinner.

He screamed in the night
She came to his bedroom
Dressed all in pink
But it only to shut him up
She was getting no sleep --- not a wink!

Rebecca, Rebecca
Hangin' over the pit
Wasn't too scared
Til the fire was lit!

Helga the housekeeper
And Hans the butler, he
Knows she's nasty shrew but
Loves it when she talks cutlery

All ended well
With the faked death of Baloo
B&B finally got a good meal
And Wildcat's still lookin' for the loo!

 

The Baron von Bruinwald Blues (or Baloos)
By Ally Ann
Dec 2006

Sung to the tune of "The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)

Becky's roasting on an open fire
Servants tripping up your toes
The posh baron gig has gone haywire
But you can't take the loot and blow

You've combed the entire castle, looking high and low
For Wildcat, who can't tell left from right
Hans and Helga, who want you to go
Will make it hard to sleep tonight

They'll murder you to get their way
You're afraid your friends won't live another day
Being a rich baron has proved a big, fat lie
You prefer the Sea Duck and the open sky

And so, to escape the servants' curse-ed lair
Your death you'll have to fake through
When you're 'dead', you'll lose your land, but you don't care
Adios, Baron Baloo

Birthday Poem 
by The Brahma Bear
January 29, 2002


*ahem* 

A gal named Becky, she used to be
The sexy gal the guys liked to see.
But when along came Molly
She said after such a folly:
"No more mailmen for me!"

Baloo ate beans at the dock side,
Then took to the skies in a plane ride,
But the cockpit was air tight
A sad end to his happy flight...
Poisoned from carbon monoxide!

:-D

Happy birthday! ;-)


I Just Can't Wait to be Claimed


By Gidget --- Jan 21, 2001
(sung to The Lion King's 'I Just Can't Wait to be King' by Kit)


(Kit)

I'm gonna be a real good boy
So laugh---be my guest!

(Rebecca)
Well, I've never seen anyone
(besides Baloo that is!)
So pitifully underdressed.

(Kit)
I gonna turn over a new leaf
Gonna pay my dues
I'm brushin' up on learnin' couth
And minding my P's and Q's!

(Rebecca)
Time for a certain cub to be tamed.

(Kit)
Oh I just can't wait to be claimed!

Someone sayin' 'Do this'
Someone sayin' 'Pick up your clothes'
Someone sayin' 'Do that'
Someone sayin' 'Don't pick your nose'
Soon to be disciplined all day
Soon to be home to stay

(Baloo)
I think it's time that you an' I
Had a li'l talk

(Kit)
If you adopt me
I'll scrub the entire dock!

(Baloo)
Me an' Becky's gettin' hitched
and we're gonna sign
Them official papers
Today's date and dotted line

(Kit)
Look at this---I've cooked, cleaned and mopped
Here's your breakfast in bed
Wasn't I a great kid to adopt?

(Gidget)
Oh, I know I'm in danger of being flamed
But thank God Kit was _finally_ claimed!

(Kit)
Oh, I'm just so glad I was claimed!
Yes, I'm pleased as punch to be claimed!

Kit the Wily Bear Cub

  By the Brahma Bear
Dec 2000
*Also to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer*


Oh Kit the wily bear cub
Never had a snotty nose
When he heard of the wedding
All he could say was "This blows!"

They all ignored Kit's protests
And said "There's nothing you can do"
They never thought sweet Kit's
Pointy little horns would show through

So that night in Becky's room,
Kit snuck inside with shears
"Becky with your hair so long,
Wonder how you'd look with it gone?"

Then Kit was very happy
And felt a great deal of honor
For if you ever cross him
You'll look like Sinead O'Connor!

*G*


Some Rich Guy's Girl
by Ted--2000

(Sung to the tune of "Part of Your World," from the Little Mermaid. Imagine Becky alone at H4H, bored to tears.)


Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?
Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl…
The girl who has everything?

Look at this office of papers untold
How many staples can my stapler hold?
Lookin’ around here you’d think

Sure, she’s got everything…

I’ve got my own business near the sea
I’ve got pens and pencils galore
You want employees? I’ve got three!
But who cares? No big deal, I want more…

I wanna be where the rich people are
I wanna go to those expensive shows
Be waited on by a—
(Whad’ya call ‘em?) oh --- maid
And smear my crackers with caviar
If only I’d find me some rich Romeo
Who’d wanna take me out on a---
(What’s that word again?) date…

Away from that bear, away from that cub,
Up to some big fancy country club
Wanderin’ free, wish I could be
Some rich guy’s girl

What would I give, if I could live
Surrounded by riches?
What would I pay, to send Molly away
To boarding school?
Have my own pool, a mansion to rule,
Tea parties with other snobby bitches
If I could find a honey, with lots of money,
To buy me jewels

And I’m ready to go where the rich people go,
To all the dinners and dances and balls,
Sail on one of those---
(What’s the word?) yacht
I'm tired of this rot!
Not a moment to soon,
Just need to seduce one little tycoon…

Poor little me…
Wish I could be…
Some rich guy’s girl


A Whole New Life
by Joe---Jan 21 2001

(sung to tune of A Whole New World from Aladdin)

(Baloo)
I can show you the world
Shining like a bunch of quarters
Tell me princess, now when did
Make an illegal amount of money on the side?

I can open your files
Take you failure by failure

(annoyed look from Becky)

Over sidelines and cutting corners
on a magic cargo ride

A whole new life
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Except for the kids
But we can leave them at ho-ome

(Becky)
A whole new life
You're the dumbest pilot I ever knew
But when I'm way up here
Its crystal clear
That now I'm stuck in a
whole new life with you

(Baloo, oblivious)
Now I'm in a whole
New life with you

(Becky)
Unbelievable smells
Indiscernible diiis-gust
What have I gotten myself into?
I must have been on angel dust...
A whole new life!

(Baloo)

Don't you dare close your eyes

(Becky, angrily)

Why not??! (resumes singing)

A hundred thousand other places I could be...

(Baloo)

Hold your breath it gets better...

(Becky)

Oh, I have been, and I'm not counting on it, but...

(resumes singing again) I'm like a shooting star

(Baloo)

Kitten?

(Becky, kicks him)

 No!
I've come so far!

I can't go back
to as poor as I used to be!

(Baloo)

A whole new life!

(Becky)

With new ways to run you over with wo-ork

(Baloo)

With new horizons to try to flee to...

(Becky)

Every moment filled with red tape...

(Both)
I’ll shred some documents
Get in under the fence
Let me share
This whole new scam with you
A whole new scam
That's where I’ll be

(Baloo)

 A thrilling chase

(Becky)

 I can't believe my life has come to this...this...stupid run down rathole! I mean place...place...

(both)

 For you and me...

Santa Baby
(as sung by Kitten Kaboodle)

parody by Allie Ann, Dec 2005


Setting: Kitten, clad in stripes, sits on a cot in a prison cell.  A burly
woman with a mustache snores in the bunk above her.


Santa baby, just slip a big file through the bars for me
Been an awful bad girl
Santa baby, and hurry past the warden tonight

Santa baby, a '34 convertible, too, light blue
Need a getaway car
Santa baby, and hurry past the warden tonight

Think of all the time I've done
Think of all the toilets that I've had to scrub
Next year, I could be oh-so-free
If you'd just give these things to me

Santa baby, I want a maid who's already been prepaid
Been a slave all year
Santa baby, and hurry past the warden tonight

Santa honey, one little thing I really need - the deed
To an exotic hideaway
Santa baby, and hurry past the warden tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with clothes and shoes
Stripes give me the blues
Santa cutie, and hurry past the warden tonight

Come and pay my bail for me
Before I turn into an old granny
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing - the key
To this dank, dirty cell
Santa baby, and hurry past the warden tonight

Hurry past the warden tonight
Hurry
Tonight

And then the burly woman throws her pillow at Kiki, shouting, "Aw, shaddup!"

 


Back to Everything Else