HOW TO SPEAK KARNAGEESE
by Starflash

(a work-in-progress)

Obviously, Karnage didn't pick up English in a classroom, and therefore he has some troubles with things like regular verbs and tenses.


1) Karnage is very careful with what he says, trying to make sure everything sounds grand and dramatic. One way he does this is using alliterations:

a. fetid friend
b. estupid stooge
c. prancing pigeon (he uses this one for the ladies!)
 

2) Sometimes he adds suffixes to words:  
e.g.:   seriousNESS

3) He has some trouble with plurals, especially irregular ones. He often just puts the 's' on the end.
e.g.:   instead of 'people,' Karnage says 'persons'!

4) He's often redundant:

a. posterier back-end
b. baby-child
c. little bite-sized
d. 'Why did we go stop?'

5) And of course, his malapropism of English analogies are legendary. Just try to think of a word that sounds like the word you're meaning but is completely unrelated to it. (What is that called? I used to know...)   Ted had a good example.  If Karnage ever went to the bank, he would probably ask to make a 'depository'!

a. You may have a point on your head.
b. Let us not be the hasty-puddings.
c. We have hit the jack-in-the-box!
d. You've gotten yourself in a thiny piccolo (also note he's using improper tense on et', 
    which in itself is incorrect)
e. umptimillionth time!
f.  cotton-plucking (instead of cotton-picking)
g. none of your floor wax (instead of none of your business)


6) Karnage very rarely uses contractions:
a. Cannot you go any faster?!
b. That is no problem (instead of 'that's no problem)

7) Karnage often speaks of himself in 3rd person (especially when he's trying to make an impact).
e.g.:  The generous Don Karnage allow you to go loot, plunder, do something pirate-ey.

8) When describing people, he often does not use their names, but a description of that person followed by -type person-. I really don't know why, it's just one of his cute little things!
a. Hallo, Baloo-type-person (this actually isn't a very good example)
b. ...thirsty patron-types

 9) Has many colourful ways of describing his wonderful self!
e.g.:  That panic provoking pirate

10) Karnage is very good at telling people that they're dumb (he usually keeps this handy for his pirate minions):
a. Riches beyond your limited, insignificant minds.
b. Yes yes, what is your pathetic, insignificant little point?


11) Often his Spanish-tongue creeps into his speech:

a. Long time no see, si?
b. Uno momento
c. Uno menudo


12) Uses the wrong sort of word:
e.g.:  instead of saying 'many hungry animals' he uses 'numerous hungry animals'


13)  Occasionally the Captain can't be bothered to search through his limited English vocabulary and just uses filler such as:
a. "doohickies"
b. "What is your matter?" (instead of 'what is THE matter')
c.  "I just love it when she TINFOILS the bad guys!"
d.  "Felicitational greetings!"


March 2001

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